I didn't have no motivation to do it. Zero motivation to do anything, zero motivation to offer shave 0-2 brush your teeth, even have a shower nothing. I can't tell you in words how I felt how down I was when you lose control your own mind, you're. In a bad place, I just wanted to show the world that a mental health could bring somebody's big as me and as strong as me, and you know the stereotype heavyweight champion of the world Timmy knees, then it could bring anybody to the knees and I thought To myself, if I can show the world that you can come back for me and to get back in shape and get back to the top, then anybody can do it.
I knew something is wrong in your life growing up as a child birth, I feel alone, and even when I was with other people, I wasn't confident character. What you see today was a very shy. It was a skinny little whipping kid. I was always told that I couldn't do stuff, but I'll never do anything. I'D never achieve anything. So that made me worse. Basically, I've experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows in life, so we could work for my whole life and when I finally achieved it was like oh well, that was a load of rubbish. I wasn't expecting not to feel like this. Like I said before, I just felt like a an emptiness, a deep, gaping hole of nothing darkness and gray clouds.
Every day was great, I felt like I had nothing to look forward to. I was worthless. It was just a horrible horrible feeling that people need to understand that many many people are in the same boat. They don't have to be very successful. Sports athletes to feel like this. Anybody from day to day has the same feelings. What does it all mean? What has been a world champion really mean, but what I was trying to say was: what does it all really mean when I'm not well on the inside? I was in a position of power.
I had glory, fame achievements, money, a family, all earthly assets that one could want, but it meant nothing. So they can understand why or disguise the repetitive thinking the same stuff, day-in day-out. He won't go away and the more I'm trying to think right. I want to be positive, negative, negative, negative, negative and everyone always around was that negative 2 because of Amun this one on for 18 months or me battling my own self. Every day, drinking music, my body eating rubbish, taking drugs, everything I stand for didn't matter anymore. I'Ve never ever experienced anything in your life, even though I had anxiety before this was the King, daddy of all anxiety attacks. This was, I was so sure I was gon na die, but nothing mattered.
I didn't care also one it was was a tone for me, since I can't tell you in words how I felt how down I was when you lose control your own mind, you're in a bad place, on its a silent killer. It'S almost like carbon monoxide poison, can't smell it. Jab tasty Jam via well, you got way, I explained mental alphas, you ball up and blow up a bolt open and it just explodes. You can't count bottle anymore and that's that's when you're having you you bad times and I was drinking every day - something I've never done in my life to try and wash me sorrows away, but it didn't come to a stage where that's one way of doing it. But I'm going every and heavier. I was gaining 380 390 400 pounds and I was very unhealthy. I didn't fit in anything I owned anymore. Wasn'T me anymore. I had two bodies turning point walls. I want out Halloween dressed as a rare skeleton in a fancy.
Dress party about nine of all can expected to stare all and get smushed. I had one drink all time, I'm back normal again now there I'm like, like thinking straight still drinking book, think intense bullet and I called out to my wife. It'S a Paris here. She doesn't what said tomorrow, myself start to turn my life around. I said I promise you. I said: how are you gon na? Do I'm definitely gon na? Do it I'm not date? I got me trucks inked on in the morning and I was gon na room team I'll look about 200 yards and stopped and I thought right account.
I can't run I've run all my life. I'Ve always been a very good runner and I got 200 yards and I was totally gone. I could fade me belly moving on it wasn't like a fat like jelly, it was like solid brick, it was. It was horrible thing of okay, I'm gon na walk the rest and a warmth and and every day I'd go out on the canal, and I do a little warning me, sweat, saved and every day I get a little bit further until I was doing four or Five mile again, I know I come back and I worked my way back and we'll work repetitively day in day out day in day out, and at that time I was still sleeping with a light on. I would sleep in the dark. You need to stimulate the mind and I think training is a perfect way to do it working out exercising well, he can do a lot or a little. You must do something. I keep meself short term goals and long term goals and I planned things more now where, if I'm just not going on the horizon, I tend to wander on me.