People are dying from lack of hope, death of despair when you take away people's sense of agency you're, taking away the most core dynamic of who you are as a human being, i think you got ta have a dream, the school of greatness. Please welcome! Welcome back! Everyone at the school of greatness, podcast, very excited about our guest. Dr caroline leaf is in the house, a cognitive neuroscientist specializing in the mind-brain connection, who's been in this field for many decades. I'M very excited to hear thanks for being here. Thank you, i'm so excited to be talking to you, lewis, it's great thank you, and - and i am i love that you're in this field of understanding the mind brain connection and how it plays into our thoughts and our emotions, our feelings, our mental health and everything Else is happening in our lives uh. My first question is: what is the difference between the mind and the brain and does the and does the brain control the mind or does the mind control? The brain you've asked one of my favorite questions there. That'S a really great place to start. I'Ve got some props. Is that okay? Can i use it yeah show me. Okay, explain i need i need to understand in this simplified way. Okay, so here's a brain, not a real one, um in a skull and the terminology for about the last 40 years is that the mind and the brain have been used interchangeably. So most people think when you talk mind you're, talking brain when you're talking brain you're. Talking mind and most of the popular literature, even the scientific literature that the media tends to put out talks about how the brain produces thoughts or the brain produces the mind. But your brain actually can't do anything on its own. So if you did and if i was holding up this, if this was a real brain - and i just took it out of someone's head - which i wouldn't do - but if it was bleeding and whatever and you looked at this brain - we could stare at this all Day long, but it would never do anything. So what is the difference between a dead brain and your yours and mine and the listeners and the viewers is that you are actually thinking feeling and choosing you're alive and your aliveness is your mind and your mind. Is this ability that of what you're doing right at this moment as you're listening to me, you are processing the auditory, sound waves, the electromagnetic light waves through your ability to think and feel and choose, which is mind. So your mind is like processing, unique, brilliant processing field gravitational field around and through your brain and body, and you convert what you're hearing and seeing into actual meaning and that meaning is formed from trees that you actually grow into your brain. So at 400 billion actions per second you're using your mind to translate auditory and visual signals into protein-tree-like structures in your brain, to make sense of what i'm saying and then each thing new thing that i say: you're growing, more and more and everything i'm saying is In the root section, because it's the source of the information and the tree trunk and the branches are your interpretation of what i'm saying and you're, linking it to other existing whatever i've, whatever i'm triggering at the moment that that you know about whatever in your life, It related to our subject and that keeps going and that's what we do all the time. That'S your mind is always with you and your mind works through the brain and the brain then responds so here's a little model. So your mind is the gravitational field, and this is not wuru science. This is hardcore nobel prize winning science that there's discovery of the gravitational field. In fact, einstein spoke about it back in the early 20th century. How we? Each human has this gravitational field, this electromagnetic field around us, and that is basically through us and when you die, that's not there anymore and that's the thing. That'S kind of keeping you alive and that's the thinking feeling choosing the psychological version and the the sciencey version is this gravitational field, so it's a little bit like a magnet. This is this is a super easy way to understand it? If you imagine a piece of white paper and you put a whole lot of iron filings on the paper, you may have done this at school and you bring a magnet and you put that in the middle of this mountain of iron filings and suddenly, you've got This beautiful electromagnetic field, the iron filing arranges itself, into this field around the magnets. So you can't see the electromagnetic field, but but you can only see it because the iron filings it's invisible, but the iron filings follow the tracing of the field and therefore you can see it. So. The relationship between the magnet and the field allows the iron filings to express themselves in that pattern. The the brain is like the magnet and the field is your mind and the relationship allows you to express your behavior. So the little pattern is your behaviors and, and the biggest cool thing is that that's the primary source, you never stop. Thinking your mind is always going you wake up with your mind, you eat with your mind, you choose your clothes with your mind, you're doing the podcast with your mind, you'll go to sleep with your mind. So mind is the source and if you don't understand and manage it, it's changing anyway. Then it's a mess and if it's a mess to brain and body or a mason, you can't achieve greatness so to achieve greatness. You need to understand mind there you go. There was a mouthful let's, let's just end the podcast. Now that was perfect uh. So how how wide can this so the mind? Your thinking, your ideas, your thoughts is a field, an energetic field yeah around you inside of you, uh, connected through your whole body and then outside of your body. Is that what i'm hearing you say exactly totally? How far does the field extend? Is it two feet in front of us? Is it six feet? Is it uh football field? How far can it go? They don't really. We don't really know because, when you're talking about quantum physics and gravitational fields, there's a lot of interaction that occurs, but what the science seems to show is that it's kind of a almost how you know like around us sort of this field. Yeah. And it's probably more because, but it interacts because everyone's got this field and we then we live in gravitational fields. So you everything around. You is a gravitational field, so everything's interacting, and so that's why you know when you come up to someone you an example would be like that electrostatic shock. When you, you know, when you brush past someone, you get that and on a more psychological level, you can experience that. That field is like, maybe in a really great mood, and then you get into a conversation with some friends and they're so totally depressed and you come away from there thinking i feel awful. I need to go, never shower, you feel so so they their field has interacted with yours and impacted you, because those feel that that field is coming from your mind, which then uses the brain and converts what you're experiencing into these thoughts. And then these thoughts are generating. You know there's this whole relationship, the iron filings concept, and this is back and forth, and this literally is photons and sun showed us that we're literally generating from our thoughts as we talk from our thoughts, which we that you can't talk without thoughts. You build thoughts and then you, your actions and behaviors and communication come from the thoughts, so this would generate healthy. It'S a nice, healthy, green tree and here's a toxic one. So this would be a toxic. You know the depression or whatever you know, being negative or whatever, that would generate toxic photons, and these are the ones that would make you. You know you feel it. You feel that negativity. This is a sense of around a happy person and you just feel like amazing, you know so this is it's very real. This is not some ethereal thing. It'S we talking about the non-physical sciences of quantum physics and physics and things like that, but it's real and it's there's an impact and an effect and we can control it. That'S that's the interesting thing. What is the? What is the definition of quantum physics? What is that, in relation to the mind, so quantum physics is considered to be one of the most fundamental and accurate sciences and at its most simple level, because it's really had bad press. But it's been around for very long and it basically just deals with the unseen the when you talk about particles and waves and the subatomic level. So what we can see now looking at each other is would be what we would consider the classical physics realm, that you can see and touch and feel and hear. So it's very you can operate on it. Yes, yeah! So it's the physical! But if you, if you actually um and and we see from studying at the atom that things get smaller and smaller and then you've got the subatomic level, then you're entering the quantum mold. So once we go into the subatomic level, we actually see that the atom is not really an atom. You know particles change according to their waves and in their particles only when you actually look at them. So it's it's considered the observer effect and it's really interesting because it means that we have these waves of energy and, as we make a choice, we create reality, which we do so, as you think feel and choose you change your brain because everything every time you Choose think feel and choose those three things always go together. Always thinking always thinking means you're, always feeling thinking and feeling means you're always choosing, and it's happening at like 400 billion actions per second constantly. So we're processing this world around us through this thinkfield choose and then we build thoughts. So there's this structural there's, this structural consequence, so thought is actually a physical response of the thinkfield choose and quantum physics kind of is helping us understand that, but quantum physics is real and is easy to understand with classical physics, so classical physical quantum, the sort of Non-Physical world to work together. Does that make sense it tells us when we feel something when something happens, there's an event in our life. Uh someone touches us, do we feel it first. Do we think that we're feeling something and how is that connection to the mind and body work, very good question, so it's think feel true, so like as real, so i i touch you on the shoulder, you think it first, you feel it first, it's it's going To happen pretty much simultaneously, so there's going to be the because there's the sensation and it immediately will stimulate, think and then feel and then choose so the feeling that the the think field choose work together to make sense of the physical impact and what it means And if it's threatening or not threatening and all kinds of decisions are made in your mind and it happens super fast, so it's think filters think feel choosing cycles and it's really really fast. You know they. We talk about 400 billion actions per second, but it's actually 10 to the 27 and faster, which is an inconceivable speed. So what i've done with my work is to try and understand this. You know what is the thought and what is memory and what is mind and what is brain and how do they interact and how do they influence and do we have any sense of agency over this process? And what does it look like yeah? Can you explain it all absolutely? I can certainly try so i spent 38 years studying this and i started out in the world of working in clinical. I practiced for clinically for 25 years and i initially started my research in the 80s and finally enough in the 80s, the brain. We were taught that the brain couldn't change. So all my lectures were around the brain is fixed. It'S fixed mind, fixed brain, fixed mindset yeah, so they so kind of that's that you've just got to learn how to kind of you know, work around it, and so that's just and compensate more of a compensation kind of philosophy. So i remember thinking in one of my neuroscience lectures that this does not work for me because we're changing and growing as humans. So i said no i'm going to start researching this and i always told my professors, that's a ridiculous question and i actually did a ted talk on this, the ridiculous question of neuroplasticity. So in the 80s i said: okay well, give me the worst situation. What'S the worst situation, they said: okay, it's traumatic brain injury once someone's had a traumatic brain injury, and i mean your dad went through one yeah. That'S it pretty much! That'S you know written off and um. We were trained, as i said, to compensate. So i said: okay well, there's hardly any research in the 80s on brain injury and on how to comp how to treat it and so, okay. Well, i'm going to start there, and so i worked with people that had been in comas for like longer than two weeks and at that stage of you in a coma for longer than eight hours, the brain damage was considered irreversible. Now, in this day and age, we know that's not the case, but in the 80s that was the going philosophy, so i was completely swimming upstream when it came to this concept anyway, i showed with my subjects that with using your mind in and not in any Weird way, just a very systematic, deliberate, intentional mind management in different ways and different brain building and dealing with emotions and just different ways, same sort of process, um that you can actually change this, and so some of my my first. My very first case study was a girl who was 16 at the time of accident and she had lost a whole year of school written off. As a vegetable, i mean that's what the doctors used to say in those days, which is terrible thing to say to someone anyway long story short after eight months. Not only did she manage to she came around. I started working with her when she was when she was conscious and functioning sort of at a second grade level, and she wanted to her goal was to get her goal of greatness was to get back to finish 12th grade and with her peer group. Now that was an impossible task. All the doctors said. Don'T even go down that road, not not even worth it. So i said well, i was a new scientist, then very young totally into the said. Well, you know, go with me: let's do this and she, within eight months she caught up to 12th grade level, finished school with her peers and went on to get a university degree and one of the coolest things was that she was actually a really average student And not even good, at math after after the accident, using her mind to change her brain, she became like a math genius. You know i mean this was like and i can tell you a story of the story and that really motivated me to work across the board with now. I really have to understand. What'S going on and i happen to be living in south africa, where i grew up at the time i was born in zimbabwe and grew up in south africa and in the apartheid era i mean this is like it really ages me. Doesn'T it go back into those? I worked through the apartheid era, the transition and the post-partum era. So i was seeing all the socio-economic trauma, the racism trauma, and i worked in that three days a week in those environments with terrible poverty and whatever - and i worked in war-torn rwanda and i worked with the wealthiest of the wealthy heads of ceos of corporations. Schools everywhere that, like my laboratory, was the world to try and understand humans and mind and get away from this scientific concept. That consciousness is the hard question and no one is really doing anything. We'Re just talking about it as being as this elusive philosophical thing that we will push aside and one day, promissory science will do it one day, and i thought i can't do this because it's i am mind you are mind. So if i don't manage it, i mean you can go three weeks without food three days without water, three minutes without oxygen, but you don't even go three seconds without using your mind, so my underlying premise was okay. Well, if that's the case, what is it and how do we manage it, and if it's, if i don't manage it, what i did from my research you can learn to manage it mind is malleable. You can direct the neuroplasticity of your brain. I did some of the first neuroplasticity research in my field in the late 80s early 90s before it was accepted by the mid-90s. Neuroplasticity was well that's it and um, and i showed that my underlying argument with thesis was whatever mind is always changing, which it is so you wake up. You'Re experiencing everything conversations the emails, the part life politics you're immediately immersed in life and you're processing that, through your mind, you're growing it into your brain and you're doing this every moment of the day. So if i don't control it, it's a mess. But if i do control it, then it isn't a mess now. I know we can't control events in circumstances. We all agree with that. So i'm not into this whole law, but i'm not talking about law of attraction, and you know saying 15 positive affirmations and that's going to fix your story. No, i'm not talking about that at all. It'S not realistic! I'M talking about the fact that you cannot control events and circumstances, but you can learn to manage your mind, which means your responses, so you can. Yes, the things are going to happen. Covert trauma, death life happens, but how you manage it - and you i mean your case - is a classic example. Your life was thrown upside down and your family's life was so upside down and you managed your mind and got yourself back going. So you were doing this concept anyway, you know greatness. That'S why i said greatness comes from us. Managing our mind and greatness doesn't necessarily mean that you've got millions in the bank and you're this famous superstar. It means that, do you have mental peace? Are you actually growing? Are you satisfied as a person are you you know, that's the sort of way we want to go as opposed to this very externalized version of it. So yeah wow um. This is it's really powerful. So how do we learn to manage our mind in response in a more positive way to the chaos stress, traumas dramas of life around us? You know, obviously we we can maybe influence certain events to manifest in our lives, but we can't control the things that are happening around us, necessarily just how we respond, like you said. So how do we learn to reframe our mind or rewire our mind and so that we can have inner peace when there is trauma or pain around us brilliant question? It'S a skill that we learn. So that's really nice to know the sooner the it's never too late to start, but the sooner we start the better. So i have four adult children. They learned this. They grew up with the stuff and, as i've learned new things, they've been my lab rats. So they've been trained and literally had my husband and they all work for me by the way they're either they're, either all amazing, kids or messed up kids totally yeah yeah we'll have to ask the question: well dominic's my producer, so i think she's sort of doing. Okay, there, but you know the thing: the biggest thing with the mind and managing mind lewis is to accept that depression anxiety, even the scary words like bipolar and schizophrenia, and then going to the mood sort of things like that we can accept, grief, anger, etc. These are not illnesses. This is the biggest message that i probably have the second biggest. The first is that mind is the source and if you don't get mind right everything else, you can read all the great books you want and go to all the great seminars and self-help. But unless your mind is right, you won't even use that stuff. It'S just data, and so you you these are these. That'S there's another step missing and it's understanding that autonomy that sense of agency that we have to manage what's going on around us and to accept part of mind management, is not to make the bad stuff go away, but to know how to live in the bad Stuff, because it's not going away so despair, anger, depression, anxiety. These are all completely normal responses. In fact, they're very helpful they're, helpful messengers and warning signals as opposed to being scary illnesses. They are not neuropsychiatric brain diseases, like we've, been told they are actually responses and because they are responses of our mind in in the world, we only use our brain and body to express them because we've got the mind, has to have the brain and body to You know build the thoughts and then from we use that to speak, we're using our physical to to store what we've, what we've processed and to convert and then to speak. So obviously, if our minds and mess our brain and our body will be a mess but because our brain's neuroplastic - and we, if we manage our mind, we can change our brain, we can change our dna literally, that's what i've shown in my research. You can literally change your dna, your blood markers literally. If you change your mind, if you change your mind, you can immediately influence your biomarkers. So, for example, if you in acute trauma, for example - and you go through just okay - let me explain it in a very simple way: i've been testing out a glucose, continuous glucose monitoring device and for some research purposes, and i happened to while i was wearing it Because you wear it and then you, you know, you track your levels, uh and i wanted to see if, in terms of mental health and the neuro cycle, that i've developed, i wanted to see the impact, and i happened to be going through experience. A very acute torment or family over december and in the moment of the trauma i happen to see on my glucose, monitor that my glucose had shot up to 240
Now that's heart attack level and i immediately manage my mind through the neuro cycle, which is the concept that i've developed, which is just a system. Anyone can learn it and i dropped my glucose levels within seconds back down to a normal level and as it cycled up it cycled i could manage it and in if glucose is at that level, your cortisol is shot up. At that level, your dhea has dropped. Your homocysteine up, all that means, is that your immune system is going crazy. Exactly you've got a cytokine storm like we talked with covert and, in fact, your your brain's immune system and your body's immune system will recognize that traumatic event or that established trauma or that mismanagement of whatever that it will recognize that as an invader like a virus. Like covert so you get the same response to a mind thing, a thought, which is the consequence of mind. Think field choose you build thoughts. Thoughts are made of roots and trees, branches, which are the memory, so thoughts are made of. Memories like trees are made of branches. This is toxic. It will stimulate the same response in the immune system as if i had covert or if i had a flu virus or if i had measles or something or any kind of damage in my body, the immune system sees that as threatening survival, because we we are Wired for survival, so this is not survival, so your immune system says: hey, that's a threat: let's send out the army, tea lymphocytes be lymphocytes. Macrophages, let's go fix this thing and it creates inflammation, which is a temporary state of healing, so initially inflammation is to isolate and fix exactly isolate, and then you're supposed to you know, fix this up and sort this out and find the root cause. And then this goes away and then the anti-inflammatory factors come in and the inflammation goes away. But if we don't deal with the stuff - and we don't deal with our past traumas - and we don't deal with those patterns in our life that we are in in acting um like the constant arguments or these certain - you know they all have these toxic patterns. Well, no one's immune, we all and and the signals of those are things like depression and anxiety and those are simply telling you hey, there's a pattern: it's either trauma-based pattern or it's a toxic habit, you've developed, but that pattern is actually putting your body under tremendous Stress even to the point where your dna is affected, and i showed in my research that you know, if you think of the dna ladder, if you pull out a chromosome, it looks like an x and where you see my fingernails pink fingernails for those of you That are listening um, the pink fingernails would then represent what we call telomeres and telomeres are a proxy for how you are managing your mind very interesting, but they also aren't they also based on how long you'll live as well exactly exactly totally correct. So if you're under attack and dying you're, probably physically gon na die as well, exactly that's exactly what i showed so we had subjects at the beginning of our in my clinical trial that i put in this book. We had subjects and i've actually got a picture of this person's one of the subjects brains. This is inside looking inside their brain and the blue represents someone who's totally depressed, flatline brain flatline literally, and this person's all their biomarkers were actually in cortisol, inflammation, etc. But this shows that the energy levels in the brain are very flat. Blue means a very, very depressed, and this person was their narrative was tremendous storm in their life. They were offline, they were battling with um work relationships, a lot of stuff everything was off. Everything was off sleep, you name it. They were at like 3d to check out what page is this on? This is on page. I should tell you i should know the page of my heart: um, 161. Okay, you've probably got it in black and white. In that version that you've got the um um, so the this person's telomeres. When we looked at their dna, we looked at their telomeres. They will tell you how that the shorter they are, the weaker your cells, the shorter your life span, the more vulnerable you are to disease, so they were sitting so that will show in terms of your biological age, so their telomeres were short and unhealthy. They their ages were in the of this particular subject, and we had a group like this as well that similar they were biologically chronological. The actual age was in their mid-30s, but they biologically 70 or something yes, a sickly, 70 year old. That'S crazy within a crazy within nine weeks of mind management. No, i didn't work on. I don't use drugs. I didn't. I do talk about diet and stuff, but in this particular clinical trial was pure mind management, just the neurocycle just get your mind under control and that gray means that they're brain stabilized that the brain waves that they were actually managing. So here they were saying i am depression. I am hopeless all the biomarkers dna here they saying i felt i now know why i feel depression, i'm not depression. I now know why and depression is simply a signal of an underlying cause. It'S not who i am. It'S not an it, it's not an illness by 63 days and these numbers are very significant. They were actually seeing behavior change in their life. They were saying, okay, so i know i'll still get depressed, but i know why and i know what to do and there was changes in their behavior. They were back at work. They were back sleeping 25 improvement in sleep and i mean all kinds of like their relationships, not suicidal anymore, and i mean that's, i can go on and on and on wow. This subject over here was in the control group, so they got no mind management and what you'll see is a lot of red and a lot of chaos and that red shows complete brain. That is like a tsunami in your brain which the biomarkers were terrible. This person's dna telomeres were very short and so with mind management. In nine weeks, we showed how you can literally change your telomeres, which are your markers for aging and for health, mental health and physical health, and that's pretty unusual, because most of the work on telomeres has been done around diet and exercise which are basically like uh. You know leafy greens and plant-based, exactly which is significant and also there's been some work on meditation, but there's been no. No. I think this is the first study. That'S been done on actually doing deliberate, intentional mind work to change, and then we saw significant drops as well in information, markers and blood markers and but the biggest thing was their narrative, the person's story. So if we go away from the biology for a minute - and we then we listen to the person's story - that person was offline, they were online, they were living again and even though - and they had also had this this acceptance - and this is what i wanted to Kind of circle back to when you started was life and managing your mind doesn't mean that it's going to be one big rosy you know put on roast into glasses, that's crazy! It is actually the ability to be okay and at peace with having moments of depression and actually looking for the message and seeing them as helpful. We have this really weird philosophy which has been about 40 years in the west. Now, where we look at depression and anxiety and those kind of things as illnesses and neuropsychiatric brain diseases and as bad symptoms that you must suppress like cancer symptoms, you must suppress, so it's been lumped or misery of life has been medicalized. To quote a new, a brilliant psychiatrist, um and uh joanna moncrief, so we've got to really watch out for that, but actually the the real truth is that those depression and anxiety are not illnesses. They are just survival instincts. It'S telling you hey, pay attention, there's something going on. You need to go and something's not working something's, not working. Some is not working and it's manifesting as a pattern that needs to be addressed and that will block the greatness. So are you saying am i hearing? Did i hear you say that there there isn't a mental health disease, it's more of just a a pattern that or something that we should be mindful of, but it's not an actual disease? No, it's not a disease, and i know this counters this count as the current philosophy. But if you look at the science there's a large body of science, in fact, if you interpret all the science around this field - and you really look at what's being tested, you actually will see it's not a they've been looking for the neurobiological, correlative you're, looking for Where in the brain is depression and for years we've been told about the serotonin imbalance causing depression, i mean that's not even it was a theory, never proven great for marketing, for you know fulfilling drugs and also the simplistic way of telling someone hey you depressed. Don'T worry, it's chemical imbalance, let me give you a drug to fix it. You know it's it's. We want this quick fix mentality so with, as medicine has advanced and technology has advanced, so we've become very caught up in the quick fix and but life's not like that mind is not like that mind is separate from brain and body. You can apply that kind of thinking, not quick fix, but you can apply a symptomatic diagnosis, treatment approach to body to physical, brain and body, but when it comes to mind that that this this gravitational field is force, this think feel choose thing: it's not going to Go you know, a medication is not going to change how you're thinking feeling and choosing it's not going to get rid of this. It'S just going to numb your brain. So maybe you don't feel this for, while it's working, but at the same time as then, when that drug wears off this is still there. This is still being recognized by the immune system of your brain as a problem, so this is increasing your bone. The longer it's there, the more you increase your vulnerability to disease. Oh my gosh, you know, and this is what gets you stuck and these are the patterns. So no, it's not an illness. It is a normal human response. Here we compandemic. We all know that everyone's going on about the next pandemic is mental health. We, if mental health has always been an issue notice from the beginning of time. Mankind has battled with life, with issues with death, with fighting with war, with whatever so mental health's, not on the rise, but the mismanagement of mental health making it a disease has created a whole new problem. So here so here we sit with before the pandemic. They started doing a population study in the mid 90s and this is when i was still practicing early days of my practicing sort of ten years into my work, and i started seeing this trend of, and i was watching the study where people were with a the Decades-Long trend of people living longer, so we know we all hear this message. What this is, what we've heard people are living longer because of the advances in medicine and technology. None of us question that, but something happened in 96 that did start questioning that by the mid-2000s it was an established researched fact that we don't live longer anymore, that the trend of people living longer has actually reversed and that we have a pandemic of deaths of Despair where people are dying from preventable lifestyle diseases and the age group most being affected, but are between 24 and 65
So people at the beginning of their career in the prime of their career and through that that age group are being or dropping down dead, like flies, and it's this considered death of despair by preventable lifestyle diseases. So we have to look at the bone. Lifestyle disease means that there's something in our body. That'S that's weaker. Why? Lifestyle, which is mind driven? How am i eating drinking sleeping, but more than that is what's my mind behind all of that? How am i actually managing the day-to-day moments? How am i managing the patterns, the traumas, the established toxic habits? What am i doing about that stuff and that's when we, when we ignore all of that, because this current trend of science is saying: oh those don't matter what matters is the symptoms? Let'S just look for the symptoms: checklist, diagnose label! When you label someone, you chop, you you chop up to 10 years, more of their life. You know it's like it's adding on they've shown. Studies of people with a mental health diagnosis have a chopped 20 years of up to 20 years of their lifespan, people on psychotropic drugs because of all the complications and the changes in the brain and the body chopping up to 25 years of their life. I mean this is serious, so here we have this already existing, then the pandemic. It'S now in other years. They say that there's an additional year being chopped off people's lives, but there's such a contradiction because they're saying hey, this is adverse circumstance: grief of loss of people, uncertainty, medical and you know not knowing if you're going to live or die. And how long is this isolation going to go on and economic impact and whatever the whole lot that's trauma, and they they're saying that when they're saying, but this is the way to treat it, let's label it: let's diagnosis, let medicate it so here we've come into Covert with a problem with that stupid philosophy, that's created such a lot of problems and scientifically this has all been researched and shown, and now we've got the pandemic, and now they want to carry on that system that didn't work to this, which is going to make It even worse, so we've got to shift our narrative completely and we've got to stop stop saying that mental illness is on the rise and that there's one in four people on antidepressants were depressed. 100 of people are depressed and anxious and concerned about this covert pandemic. 100 of people in the world at some point in their life have and will be anxious and depressed and in grief and sadness, and terror and despair, and one of the others, a large percentage of the population and i'm not sure the exact percentage. Because no one's really done this kind of research, but estimates it's probably 30 40 of people will have extreme trauma of it from abuse war trauma that kind of stuff where they'll go down the continuum to sort of the minus nineteen. Eight nine ten! If you look at a continuum of zero to ten zero to minus ten um and have things like psychotic breaks and hearing voices and extreme states of distress, mental distress which are still not diseases, they are simply in that traumatic situation. You'Re having a traumatic response. Think of someone who's a war vet. I just interviewed a navy seal the other day who was trained, snipers, and i mean the things that he had to do and that his teams had to do. You know they come back and try and we all know the problem of trying to you know be reconciled back into civilian life after you've broken yeah. I mean you know this is what they'd be experiencing all day long stuff, that's completely against survival completely against our human nature, and now they, instead of them being allowed to process this trauma, they're coming back and being told that they're diseased, and he would tell me That what they do with a lot of we don't hear this sort of thing, but he told me this: they they will inject things like respiratory, which is an antipsychotic into the spines of war, vets because they're but psychotic, and they and they psychotic. For a reason, it's they coping they they. How do you deal with this? Of course, you're going to be angry, you're going to be frustrated, you're not going to be able to love like you did. You have to be able to embrace process and reconceptualize giving them a drug is not going to make it not going to help it. In fact it constrains the brain, it restricts the brain. You can't there's no chemical cure for that this. This is that's not that's, just going to add, feel to the fire, because your mind's going to work through the brain. So now you put chemicals in and now that's not going to that's not going to facilitate change. We have to do something. So it's like a narrative. Do you feel like there i mean? Is there such a thing as a chemical imbalance in some people uh? You know when they say: oh, i have a depression, it's a disease or bipolar, or i have this mental health disease or i have a chemical imbalance. I was treated with this. Don'T try to say i don't, because this is who i am is that do some people have that, or is that that's the result? The narrative of i have a chemical imbalance in my depression is from chemical imbalance is a narrative that is the only explanation that people are being given they're. Not given an alternative reaction. I mean an alternative narrative, so the most important thing is that anyone listening to this podcast, i want to validate your depression, your anxiety, your grief, your despair, your ptsd, whatever label you've been given. I want you to. I want to validate that. That doesn't need to be validated with a disease label. You'Re, not diseased you're, not a broken brain. You aren't, your brain isn't defective. You are going through something, so you aren't something you aren't that you're going through something you're experiencing something you're experiencing something and you're experiencing and you've coped in the only way that you could cope in that moment. So it created this adverse response because it was an adverse situation and you were just trying to cope. So what we have to do is go through a process of embracing and processing and reconceptualizing. So the important thing here is to recognize that chemical imbalance isn't the cause of your despair. The cause of your despair is what you've gone through and what you're going through and learning how to and not knowing how to manage it and how to deal with those thoughts that are driving you crazy and those flashbacks and and the trauma of the flashbacks. And going back into those situations of the rape or the abuse or the war trauma or the that it can drive a person crazy and that's not crazy in the sense of illness. It'S crazy in the sense of your mind is like this erratic tidal wave around you and it's going through your brain and you've got these and your immune system and everything screaming at you and saying: hey, let's fix this, so a disease label invalidates it and for A moment it might be nice to know okay well, these are labeled to how i feel, because it kind of gives us a bit of feels like we've got a bit of control. So initially that gives you comfort, but don't see yourself as that, it's better to say, i'm experiencing post-traumatic stress issues because of what i've been through versus. I am ptsd. I had the sickness of ptsd, it's better to say, i'm experiencing symptoms of bipolar. These intense swings because of my whole story than saying i have bipolar. I have a chemical imbalance, i mean just research. Researchers coming out the other day show that we've got to stop saying this. The top psychiatrists that lead this field will tell you. We'Ve got to stop saying this, that these there's no ways that serotonin imbalance. You can't even measure that there's no gene for there's no genes or serotonin imbalance, causing it it's what you've experienced. That'S the cause and then that moves through your brain and your body. So obviously your brain and your body responds so we will see changes in the brain in the body. We will see neurochemical chaos, not necessarily serotonin imbalance, that's just one. Sometimes it's dopamine and if dopamines down serotonins, often then in anandamites often then i mean i can give you a list of big chemical terms and that's going to change every function in the structure of your brain and your your dna and your telomeres and um 1400. Neurophysiological responses are off, so you know that's and that's the response, though, and that doesn't mean that that you have this thing hidden inside of you, the scary thing, that's controlling you and i that invalidates if i, if, if someone comes back from war, someone's had a Sexual trauma to tell them that the depression or anxiety, they're feeling is an illness is an insult to what they've gone through. But if i say, if i say to you, gosh, that's terrible, tell me about it. I want to hear your story. I want to support you, your depression and anxiety. That you're feeling is a signal that there's stuff going on. There'S an origin story, there's a source so can i listen? Can i help? Can i support you in trying to recognize the signals and go through the process to find the origin story and then to reconceptualize it, and that's takes time. It'S not a 15-minute appointment where i can give you a label that takes time. That'S not also. It'S also not the conditioning kind of treatments that are in place that some of them work, if they use in the right place, but to try and to try and put a veteran who's gone through something back into the situation to try and condition them. You can't condition you have to reconstruct, so it's kind of like an algebraic equation x is, is the situation y is how you should want. You want to function for mental p, so you've got x, plus y, and so here we are in our x situation, where we are the sort of human experiencing life we're supposed to be at y, and you put the two together and what the current treatment says Is that okay, now we're going to create z, we're just going to ignore x and y we're going to create a new thing, and that new thing is you diseased, but that doesn't work. It'S actually x, plus y equals x y x, is what you're going through y is where you want to find mental piece, and you want to put the two together to live together, so that you can change how the past plays out into your future man. This is powerful gosh. I want to go back to what you said when you're experiencing this traumatic event in the family. You had recently where you're wearing a glucose monitor, and you mentioned that there was a process. You realized, like the monitor, went through the roof heart palpitations stress. You could feel your physical, your body, changing into this stress response. This protection tightness whatever it was. Yeah fear anxiety all these. These things you were experiencing in the moment. What was the process that you broke down to bring it back to more normal levels for yourself of feeling more peace, groundedness, calm? Okay? So it's the process of the neuro cycle, excellent question: um! It'S the process of the neuro cycle, which is it's in the second half of the book, so the neuro cycle is five sign. This is the five steps right yeah. This is the five steps. This is what i initially developed for. People'S traumatic brain injury was my first time that i developed it and developed my theory and then from there i refined it to all the different types of you know situations i worked with and then it's been refined over the years. This is the most updated um research, so a good scientist should keep learning and changing and improving, which is what i've tried to do. So in this book is the updated version of the neuro cycle. The neurocycle is how you get your mind, which is always working under control if, in the state of acute trauma like we were like, i was in that moment, acute tumor creates a red brain. I showed you that picture of a red brain that red brain means that i have a tidal wave in my brain going on or that there is um the left and the right brain will be out of harmony, i'll, have a drop of blood and oxygen to The front of my brain i'm going to have things like that delta. We'Ve heard of things like delta theta, alpha beta gamma. All those waves are supposed to flow like waves in the c, and if you think of the c, you've got the big swells, which is delta, slightly smaller swells, which is theta. Then they build, which is beta. The creased, which is high beta and the gamma, which is the ripple on the beach, and so we want that through the brain in this nice kind of even way, that's kind of the the y state x plus y x is what happens to us y. Is that state so x happens and then that y state gets thrown off so in that moment, that's what happened to me. So what we want to do is because mind works through brain and body and mind is experiencing this. This trauma, which is a mess, our brain and body, just do what the mind's doing so then there's a mess in our brain in our body. But if i have that kind of chaos, i can't think straight. I'M not gon na have any wisdom. I'M gon na fall apart and in this situation i would have and um - and i have in the past, but now i've learned how to deal with this, and i talk about that. This neurocycle can improve how you manage anxiety and depression by 81. That'S a massive claim and i've shown it scientifically okay, so what i did was to try and get myself back under control now in that state you don't know what to do in a tremendously acute traumatic state, but i knew from my science and from my knowledge, So i'm proactive, so i could go into two zones, so i went into two modes. The one mode was the mental mess that i was in, which is the pilot because i'm driving i'm in this time. Imagine yourself being in a helicopter. That'S like a time capsule and you're flying over this forest and the forest is your mind with all these trees and this acute tumor has just grown because it's instant. So here's this terrible and your helicopters drawn to this because you are in shock and terror and fear and deep panic and anxiety. That is all the smoke signals. So i my my pilot's going like this. The co-pilot is also me, but it's my wisdom, because inside of each of us is our survival, and that's our instinct that you know when you give someone great advice, and you just think oh wow, where did that come from you know you get that it's that Tips like we know what we know, we know how much we can handle. We will say. I know this. That kind of thing, that's the co-pilot, this wisdom, so what we want to do in those states is to get ourselves into the co-pilot. Remember the co-pilot and the pilot - and you use the u language so here you flying this plane over in the co-pilot saying: okay, let's calm down, let's land it at that tree, so you land the plane, you land this time, capsule whatever and you get output you With the copilot so you're safe, so you've created a distance, and this is i'm expanding in detail and obviously you train and it's all in the book and it's all i've got an app. That explains it too, but this is the mindset that i have trained myself to come into, so i can go into an acute trauma in that moment, i'm still crying i'm still freaking out right, but i'm freaking out in this zone where i now know because i Know that i need wisdom, i need to be able to tap into and i cannot get through this chaos if this chaotic brain and body, if and mind unless i've calmed it down. So i have to get through this because i'm stuck in that black tree and i'm stuck in this chaotic brain. So let me consider it would that be considered like fight or flight, whether it's someone, yes cutting you off in front of you in the uh on the street, in the car or someone yelling at you or someone, whatever an event happening which is causing you to React in fight or flight, whether it's a massive t, trauma or literally trauma exactly exactly or acute trauma, which is the and the blind signing stuff the stuff. You don't expect that just hits us out the blue. Yes, absolutely so you're going into a level of fight and flight, so everything physiologically 1400 neurophysiological responses are activated to help you focus, but they can't work for you unless you do what i'm telling you to do, which is to shift your perception. So this is the how to because, as soon as you shift your perception in an instant because i told you within seconds, i brought the glucose monitor down, and i mean i didn't even expect it to work that fast. I was amazed and as it cycled through the 12 hours of the of the trauma, i was able to manage it more and more so i mean really - and this is not the first time i've done this. My whole life, but it was just so interesting, seeing it in real time sure um and seeing the reaction. Okay so so step one is to get the co-pilot state of mind to to land. That'S the preparation. We haven't even got to step one. So there's preparation. The plane first yeah, so that's it so recognize that you remember, there's a co-pilot which is your wise mind, you, the crazy pilot, going all over the place, land the plane. Let the co-pilot tell you: okay, land the plane and you land the plane where you need to which is at the issue and what drew you into land the plane to find. The issue was your emotional. So this is step one you're going to gather awareness and gather means you controlling it. You'Re not sitting under the apple tree and all the apples are hitting you on the head. You are standing back and you're picking the apple, so there's control there's a sense of autonomy, a sense of agency. So in the midst of chaos you can create agency mentally because your mind's driving it. So you stand back and you say: okay, i picked that apple. So that's my emotional warning signals. Terror despair, utter totally traumatized like whatever they are. You pick those apples, you put them in your baskets you're gathering, then you gather awareness, so this is gathering kind of your awareness. This is how i this is, how i'm feeling this is what's happened. This is what's like. This is the event. Yes, this is getting it's almost yes, it is but you're gathering in very four little distinct packages, because the more organized you are, the more the less chaos we could be bringing very systematic. So what are those four? What are those four things? So you gather awareness of your emotional warning signals, so the despair anxiety, whatever panic attack, then you gather awareness of your physical bodily response. So here's your code, part of saying, okay, how are you feeling gather that apple gather that apple? What is your physical flattering in the heart? Panic attack tension, gut-wrenching adrenaline fly for whatever flights in front freeze mode, you're in then your behaviors. What are you saying? What are you doing? You know i mean i was responding. How are you responding yeah action yeah? What'S what you're saying, what are you doing what you're you know what is actually happening and i'm grabbing this i'm grabbing that get this get that you know. So what is that and is it working? I mean, like you well just doing this changes, how you do things. It'S amazing. You immediately go into this different mode. Fourth, one is perspective. What'S your perspective, this is doomed. This is terrible. This is sucks. This is end. Oh okay, this is bad, but you know what so gather you gather then, as soon as you've got those you're then going to reflect so it's very systematic and then, as you've gathered and done all this preparation thing you've got the two sides of the brain. You'Ve got coherence again: you've got blood flow back to the brain. You'Ve got oxygen back to the front of the brain when you've got low oxygen and low blood flow at the front of the brain, which happens in a in a trauma in an acute situation. In those sudden things it drops, then you are impulsive. You'Re going to make bad decisions, you're going to react incorrectly you're going to create incoherence. Your alpha wave in the brain drops and becomes more active on the right side and that's on the right side, which is not great, because that means that we're now not going to have insight. So by doing what i've just seen you change. All of that you bring back coherence, you increase often it may not be excellent yet, but you've started the process. Then, as you move forward through the five steps and i've put all this brain stuff in the book and what happens and um, so i'm just giving you the overview. So then you start now reflecting okay. What have i got in my basket? So number two reflect reflect is an incredibly beautiful word, as is gather awareness gathering awareness. I just want to point out in the earlier on. I said that we mustn't be frightened of despair and anxiety and trauma, and i mean and the dexa depression. Those scary don't be scared of them because they are messengers, they're, helpful messengers that are telling you something, and if you respond to them in that way, you then control them. But if you respond to them in fear, they control you yeah and then you're not going to move forward, you're going to get very stuck and then stuck in rumination and the patterns will just get worse so get the control. Even though you can you can be crying screaming swearing, i don't care what you're doing, but just get the control you're at the tree. You'Re doing the stuff so gather reflect is when you think of light going through a prism. It reflects all the colors of the rainbow, so these depths these that one thing means a lot and so reflect is this process of being a detective okay? Well, why am i having that reaction? Why am i now when it's something in the moment? We pretty much know why i mean i knew why i was so. I didn't have to do too much reflection, but i had to the reflection in terms of why, because i knew the cause, but the difference was i needed to reflect to say. Okay, if i react like this, this is going to happen, so it was it was. It was questioning. What are you doing with that emotion? What are you doing with that? Behavior? Is that behavior helping, so the reflect in that situation would be different to a reflect for someone who is having a complete and utter imposter syndrome attack and it's a pattern and they keep doing it so they're now working sequentially through the process, so they're going to Have to start finding why? What does it track back to what level? What sort of self-esteem issues are? What is the origin story of it, so that the reflect in that case would be, you know, ask answer discuss? Why do i feel this? Why why why - and so it's a different so these, but reflect is to just you know, get meaning, but in a very comprehensive way, because there's all these patterns of meaning in that acute torment. It'S quick, i'm doing the five steps, quick. If i'm working on a pattern over time, i'm going to spend longer third step, is you write and the writing step is obviously i was in the midst of a term. I couldn't write so i would visualize so the quick stuff you can just visualize or if you can write right writing. I recommend if you write right right in the form of a metacog. I teach you how in the book - and i have a video of a neurocycle app that goes with this. What'S a matter what's a matter, a metacog is a pattern form of writing that stimulates. It looks like a tree, you start in the middle and you work on branches and you put words and you don't write whole sentences. You basically just pour information, and you literally let it just come out in this pattern format, but each the one of the key things is to is to group as you as a thought. As something comes up, you put it on one area and there's something else. Coming up, you put it wherever, so you have these clusters of information and every words on a line, and every line goes out of the previous line and that format is unbelievable. It just drags. The two sides of the brain together digs deep and you start getting insight into what you didn't even know was there and then the fourth step is to then go and sort out that chaos that you've just written down. So the fourth step is to okay. I'Ve gathered awareness, i've reflected, i'm writing. What does this mean? What'S the mental autopsy? What'S the what's the pattern, the activators, the antidotes? What'S? How can i reconceptualize this beautiful word we conceptualize and then you end off the cycle with a little action and that action, if it's in the moment like in that five seconds or whatever it's okay, i'm going to actually take a deep breath and i'm going to Act like this, so i'm going to say that or i'm going to do this, so it's a little action that anchors you back in a state where you can function in the next moment in that acute trauma or in that imposter moment and imposter syndrome moment and You'Ve now got to go and into a business meeting you're feeling like you can't because you're in you know the imposter syndrome, fraud sort of set up so doing it in the quick moment by moment, you're going to have a simple, quick action in the big stuff. Where you're working out the pattern each day, you will have you do your work for a limited amount of time, and i say: do the work, because it's not a quick fix if you're looking for a quick fix, nothing related to greatness is a quick fix or Mind it's time, and you know that you experience that with your whole story and um. So essentially, you would do it for around 15 to 45 minutes a day when you're fixing up the big stuff, and you would do it louis, the big stuff you would do for 63 days. So that's why why 63 glad you asked that so we've all been told 21 days to build a habit? Well, that's a complete myth. The way i put it in, i wrote about it in the book too, a nurse. It'S not a neurosurgeon, a surgeon. Many years ago was talking about the physical cycles of healing that our body goes through, like if you get a blister it takes about three weeks for the stem cells and everything to form and the immune system to do its job to get rid of the blister. That'S assuming that your mind's, not a mess. If your mind's a mess, you can chop off. Sixty percent of that healing time it'll take sixty percent longer right up to sixty percent longer. If your mind's a mess you're increasing, if your mind is it depends, it depends on the level of damage some and sometimes you'll need. One cycle of three sometimes you'll need multiple. That'S for physical healing. Mind healing, however, needs a minimum of three cycles for behavior. Really, how do we is this scientifically proven? Yes, so there's very little research in the 21 day mass, so i decided to research it and there's a few studies there's one from university college london. I put them in my book there's my one that i've just done recently over the in 2019 early 2020. We are tracked and we tracked in the brain. What happened so 21 days? You get you get what we call gamma peaks, which means that you've taken this you've deconstructed it and you've reconstructed it into something healthy. So you've you've changed the thought, but it's xy. So that's in there, but it's in a different. It looks different. It'S like, if you take an ugly old house, that you're going to renovate you, take lots of photos of all the mold and all the ugly carpets and you bash it down. You build a beautiful new house. You still remember how it was, but you've reconceptualized it you're living in that new space. You remember the old okay. So that's what i'm talking about that takes 21 days, so you create to break down and build a thought with memories, because the thought is a tree made of memories. Memories are what like a tree's made of branches. Thoughts are made of memories, so to make something. That'S got a level of sustainability takes about 21 days and in that 21 days after that, if you stop there, it's a tiny little plant in your forest. It doesn't have enough energy to move from the non-conscious mind no n, the non-conscious mind operates 24 7. It'S where all your experiences are stored in thoughts, all your belief systems, your nurturing everything about you and that is influencing your conscious mind, conscious mind is only awake when you're awake so right now, as i'm talking everything that i'm saying is stimulating thoughts. From your non-conscious mind, to move into a conscious mind to make sense of what i'm saying and to build all this new stuff into thoughts in your trees, so an unconscious mind for a thought to move from the non-conscious to the conscious through the subconscious. So an unconscious subconscious is the bridge. Conscious is when you awaken unconscious 24 7, infinite huge massive and where our wisdom is as well. So the wisdom is through the middle. If you want to imagine a forest, you've got the beautiful dark green strip, which is all your instinctive wisdom, survival, stuff, wild for love, stuff, optimism, bias and then everything we experience in life is around the edge little trees, big trees, dark trees, green trees, the smaller The tree, the newer, the experience or the newer, the memory, the weaker the memory to that big established trees are the ones that influence. So those things are powerful. So if it's a big dark tree and it's influencing it's going to jump into your conscious, mind and influence your view so track backtracking to get something, that's good that you've rebuilt to to actually influence how you view something it has to have more energy put into It energy is never lost. Energy is transferred quantum physics talks about energy. These things are proteins with energy vibrating in the little protein structures. So you want that they're weak, so you've got a strain through. You know: you've got to water, it you've got to feed it. Your fertilizer totally and all you do is it's so easy. Oh my gosh, it's so easy from day 22 to 40 to 63. You simply do step number five for about a minute today. That'S how simple it is! It'S 42 minutes over 42 days in my neuro cycle. App i've actually got a active reminder, function that you can type it into it. Pops up on your phone - and you can remind yourself to to do this just and you literally just read it and it keeps just reading it reminds you to do it and then you're building your strength and you're turning it into behavior change. So to go around you know, the theme of your podcast and to get to greatness requires behavior change, so real behavior change. If you really want to build a good habit into your life you're going to have to spend the 63 days doing it. So not only is that 63 days i mean i've shown it scientifically and so on um. Not only is it for detoxing the patterns, the traumas, the toxic habits, the small tea big tears. You mentioned the acute stuff, the bad habits we've developed, but it's also to build new habits. So if you, if you know you identify this, is an area that i want to grow in my life to go to the next level of greatness whatever. That is, you need 63 days at least, and sometimes more sometimes the trauma is so embedded and it's blocking your greatness that you might need multiple cycles of 63
There'S no cookie cutter design, but the more you do that and the more you practice it in the moment by moment. The more self-regulated you become, which brings us right back to the beginning of the conversation, which was that mind, is always an action, so you may as well control it. So here i've just told you how to do it. It'S pretty much pretty much. The the nuts and bolts, what does the neuroscience say behind positive thinking versus negative or toxic thinking, and i i think this i don't know what the status is 60 000 a day or something like that we have and 80 or 90 percent of them are the Same recurring thoughts, it i'm probably off there, but no, no there's a there's a lot of stuff like that out there and you're not far off in terms of what the what the media is saying in terms of um the people. I follow people that are heavy into understanding. The numbers of you know the from a various neuroscientific perspective and i've done my own calculations. We have we build around about eight to ten thousand thoughts a day, so we're building. So that's sort of how many events we experience it could be more. These are very, very, very, very, very average numbers. It really is so it's somewhere, so it's somewhere between eight and eighteen thousand that we build. So we build in response to what we experience so whatever's new is built, but then to build. You also have the thoughts popping up so at any one moment. So you know we can work in 10. Second blocks: that's what neuroscience shows us just to give you some kind of tangible thing to handle hang on to in any one ten-second moment. You can literally have anything from one to thirteen thoughts that will move from the non-conscious and maybe more and in as well, and also build a couple of thoughts in that thought, with one thought, but with multiple, maybe 100 memories in that. So these that's that's. 120. Odd things happening in any 10 second block and multiply that by 60 seconds you know some six, so in one minute, so you can really see the numbers as they multiply, so it that's where we get anywhere between 8 000, we build and then probably about another 10 000 are coming up, so 18 000 seems to be a more but whatever the number is it doesn't really matter it's a lot. We have a lot of a lot of them are more negative. It seems like right, not necessarily if you look over the only reason it feels like that is because the negative get more attention, not because they are um, not because you're wired that way, but because they have created complete disruption in your brain. So we see a stronger physical reaction right and you've got to get rid of it. It'S fine! It'S against your survival, so you're going to pay attention to whatever's, threatening your survival! Think of it, if someone's at your front door and they're trying to bash your frontal down and you've, got your family to protect you're, going to pay attention. You'Re not going to watch tv you're going to pay attention to what's catching. What'S what's a threat to your survival? That'S why we! So it's not that we have more negative thoughts, we're not thinking! I need to fix this, we're that's we're just relaxing and hanging out, but it's when there's a thought. That'S negative! We put a lot of attention exactly it's the big tree in the forest. It'S re, whatever you think about the most will grow, so you may have if this huge infinite forest of green. The strip through the middle is the wise mind that can't even change the majority is green. Small trees, big trees and you're going to have clusters of the black in between some people will have more because they've had more abuse. You know, as they said thirty. Forty percent or twenty thirty percent of the population, depending on where you are in which country um, would have more experience, more trauma socioeconomic, you know, abuse, war, etc. So war-torn countries will find more ptsd higher percentages than in some way like a less war-torn country and that kind of thing. But on average the forest is mainly green. But whatever is getting the most attention in your life, if you're living in war-torn, something or if you're, living in an abusive situation or you're living in with a bullying boss or you living under the threat of someone in your family, who's really ill. That'S! What'S going to dominate so it's not that we have more negative thoughts, it's because that is um survival. It'S threatening our survival, it's creating brain damage. We'Ve got to get rid of it. We'Ve got to manage it. It'S a call to management. Paying attention to the toxic. Is a call to management? It'S created disruptions in the gravitational field. Think of those those! Oh, i need to get an an image. There'S a movie and i don't know which one it is. But it's those you know you get that ripple effect. It'S moving through like uh um like a field or something, and you can almost you know they create with the movies they create. That ripple effect. You know, can you visualize something like that? Okay, that's! What'S happening with the mind, so we've got these ripples. It'S not just trees that are standing still these ripples, but even and then that ripple is toxic. So it's like it's going to be very disruptive and that sends out this this. It upsets the near the balance in the unconscious mind and it's linked to a physical. So that the this gravitational field wave disruption, storm is linked to one of these in the physical brain. So it's in the storms there somewhere there, so maybe it's there and then it's also there this thing in there, so those are linked and those are threatening with survival. So they will get your attention and your intention is to go fix. So if we suppress so if we suppress in terms of what not pay attention not be aware, yeah medicate take drugs uh drink whatever the addiction is exactly as opposed to address it. What happens well so, essentially, i'm glad you brought it up. So addiction is not a disease, we're not caught by the chemical and the chemicals do change your brain. I'Ve just explained that, but your mind can override any biological change, because your mind's more powerful than your brain and that's how we you know you can always draw on that internal survival instinct, which is that internal strip of green trees just for the analogy sake, so Addiction isn't a disease. Addiction is a response like depression. It'S a warning signal. It'S trying to take something, that's painful and taking something to numb the pain. So, as you said, the sex, the pornography, the um, the alcohol, the drugs, the smoking yeah, so you often find exactly so. If you find someone who was talking to someone yesterday, who had a tremendous um battle with cocaine and alcohol, but it wasn't those that grabbed them, we get the impression that oh, your brain's diseased, therefore you're vulnerable to those and you can't control it nonsense. That'S taken! All the hope people are dying for, like from lack of hope. Louis, that's that's what that statistic. I spoke about earlier. The reversal of trends. People are dying from lack of hope, death of despair when you take away people's sense of agency you're, taking away the most core dynamic of who you are as a human. Your mind is all about agency, think feel: choose you control that and you remove that agency from someone by saying hey. You can't control the fact that you're addicted to alcohol or that you're addicted to that's terrible. But if you say okay, i see that that is where you're finding your coping strategy at the moment that having the alcohols and i'm in the pain have it take it. Having the you know, the pornography, the the the repeated, whatever the abuse of whatever abuse of anything to to to hide the opioid addiction. It'S it's just to numb the pain. So once a person is in a loving supportive environment, where they can start seeing that change, then they can start and see why, then you can take them through the process of okay. Well, let's see, maybe that signal has got a cause and, let's start finding and when you start working through the neuro cycle, they i can tell you now most of the time they're still addicted to something because the pain's so bad and they're denying this is a Disease because it's easier to accept that initially, but they deny no, i don't i'm not addicted to alcohol. I know i'm not addicted to to whatever the cocaine i'm not addicted, but once you start lovingly showing them okay. Well, let's talk about forget about the the substance. Let'S talk about you what's going on, what's happened and when you start doing that, then i'm depressed and this and this and then the things start coming up and as soon as you start getting that cycle happening, then the person is more able to say. Oh, i see i've been trying to numb my pain and then you can start getting the release 86 to 93 of people that are addicted, get out of addiction through choice and that choice is stimulated by a supportive as a super supportive, loving environment. That is helps people to see what's going on, because it's very hard to face that stuff. So we can live in a state of denial and so that's what takes a lot of good, supportive and good therapy and good environments. You know supportive environments, but to tell someone, i'm always an addict, it's one of the worst things you can say: you'd say: okay, you have no power right right, i'm a victim to this chemical imbalance or whatever it might be yeah. But that's not the case, and it's and it may take you years. I mean i i i was speaking to someone the other day who was, as i said, a cocaine battling with. I mean all kinds of stuff, and now is one of the most amazing people helping other people doing the most incredible work. That person had been raped multiple times as a child about came from a very wealthy family and the babysitter who looked after him when he was parents were so busy working was repeatedly raping this child through his childhood and then got. I mean it happened again at university and this and this and different work environments and and in different parts of the world when he traveled to different parts of the world and that's where so he had to get to the point where he realized he was numbing. The pain you know, so that's so, if you can, you see, we have to shift the narrative absolutely. You know that this is, and these are extreme cases, but there's also the day-to-day. I mean we've got to live with ourselves. Someone the other day said to me. Well, that's all and well relationship big extreme. What about just sitting here with myself? And i can't sleep at night and i'm worrying about like you know the things that on i can still get through life, but i'm ruminating and i'm overthinking and i'm stuck in anger. And you know that's that too. We'Ve got to manage all of that, and that was my that was 25 years of my life, because i i talked about being sexually abused when i was five and having anger and resentment and frustration and rage for 25 years until i was until i actually started Opening up and talking about it until i did therapy until i did uh you know mdr yeah i mean i did every type of therapeutic experience. I could do um and it. It really truly gave me the the environment of love, support and peace to begin the path of setting me free setting the pain and the trauma free by giving it a voice by expressing it by beautiful, doing the work, and it didn't happen overnight. Eight years later, it's still an ongoing thing of healing yeah it's much easier and i can have a conversation about it with ease where eight years ago i would you know, be crying talking about it x y, that's the x, plus y equals x y. You'Ve read you've, reconceptualized you're able to talk. Sorry, it means interrupt you, but that's what you've done. You'Ve been you've been neuro cycling without knowing it. Now, if you formally start neuro cycling, if you start a daily program, you're going to start unwiring it even more you're going to get even more control over the the accumulation of all the things that happened, i mean that's just what i would recommend that you try. It out for sure it's uh, so what should we be thinking when toxic thoughts about ourselves? I'M not good enough i'll, never amount to anything. I shouldn't try this. This person doesn't, like me, drama stress, anxiety, whatever it is, when we have a toxic thought that doesn't support our dreams, it doesn't support the betterment of our future and our vision. What should we be thinking in terms of replacing that in terms of the process, or is that something we shouldn't be rejecting negative thoughts? We should be analyzing and being aware, but how do we do it without consuming our life? Okay, so you you've kind of answered the question. The second part, that's what you do. The only way to get control is to embrace and to process and reconceptualize, and you do it in a very accepting manner. So it's like getting to the helicopter and you'll, be the messy pilot and be the co-pilot yeah and get get into that state of mind. Because then, and then it's very non-judgmental that you start by telling yourself like the very first thing as you're getting in the helicopter, whichever point when you're, in is to say it's: okay, it's okay, there's been a million billion people who have been in the same position As you that are battling, in fact, most people battle with self-esteem, it's very few people that don't for some reason battle with self-esteem, for example. Just take that example thinking. I can't do this or i am shame because every toxic experience we have completely rips at the core of who we are and the core of who we are is i'm needed. I'M valuable and i have something to contribute to the world that no one else can contribute. So when someone tries to take that away from you through an abuse or that is has to attack the core of you. So you kind of hide amongst shame and, and self-esteem comes out of this. I shouldn't be feeling this, but if especially a young child like five to be abused, you don't know how to process that. So the most immediate thing is because it's so against survival, because the adult in your life, if you're supposed to be the protector, everything's distorted you don't have the language, you don't have the the brain power yet the mind power you to process. So your coping strategy will be well. This made me feel bad, so i am bad, so you tend to have this, but pervasiveness sexual trauma tends to create a pervasiveness of shame and that comes out in all kinds of behavioral manifestations, whether it's withdrawal, whether it's being difficult, aggressive and it's pervasive, and that That attacks self-esteem, because something at the core of you always been attacked, and that's why one it takes time as we as you spoke about to go back and and find that. So in terms of what you say to someone, the first thing is to get to the point where we have to change our narrative. We have to forget what the world said about all these scary words and see those as very helpful. It'S a complete, 90 degree or 360 degree change, despair, anxiety, shame thinking! I am shame thinking. I have no self-esteem thinking. I can't do this. That'S okay, because, as soon as you say, that's okay, as soon as you can admit, you're feeling that you've controlled it you've. Now promised yourself, you've got the power back. You'Ve shifted the power balance so instead of um. If this is not in an unconscious, it's this trauma. It'S the five-year-old. It'S gone through the years whatever and there's been this, and i'm not saying you did this, but there may have been a period that you suppressed because you didn't know how to process until maybe 15 16 17, when you were getting more metacognitively able and started seeing Things maybe it was older. Very often, it hits around between 18 22 early childhood trauma where we start seeing those patterns manifesting and a bit of awareness coming. So now that when this comes into consciousness in the brain, this thing is now weakened. So these protein branches, which are the memories and the emotions, the data of the event, which was that right, is now weakened. So the minute i through my tears, say: okay, i'm i feel i feel shame i feel like i've got no self-esteem. I feel like i'm useless and i'm ugly and i'm this and i'm dead, and i can't even achieve anything the minute i can accept that i can look at that objectively pilot co-pilot and the co-pilot can say what do you feel? I feel. Okay, let's now see, if that's real and that whole calm just the way, i'm speaking calm, it's okay own it! It'S fine, it's okay! Now we can fix it. That'S weakened these chemical bonds, protein bonds, i've started changing the structure in my brain. I'Ve now shifted 1400 neurophysiological responses to work for me. Instead of against me, i've now started recreating balance in the brain. I'Ve increased blood flow, so i'm setting myself up to be more resilient to do the very hard work of unpacking and it gets worse before it gets better and the the one of the really good things that i have presented in in my work in in this Book is to to know that scientifically i've shown that, even if you feel worse, which you will, when you unpack this and you start seeing stuff that you've suppressed it's terrible, it's heartbreaking. It can make you feel like you just want to die, and that's how i felt when i started talking about it. I was like this is the scariest hardest thing that i've ever done i'd rather i'd almost rather die like it's, the feeling that you have you're like if anyone ever knew these things about me. If i had to truly face these things, it's the most scary, challenging thing i've ever emotionally had to deal with and it feels like you're dying. I don't know - maybe that's too extreme - maybe it's too extreme, but i think you're thinking or feeling like i'm going to die, because if i process this - and if people knew this about me yeah, how could they ever accept me? How could they ever love me? I'M going to be alone for the rest of my life. Like your mind, my mind went through these thoughts, yeah yeah and there's like no meaning and there's no purpose. And what can you do and it's a waste of time - and i can't live with myself like this and it's so terrible - and i can't do this and then you start rejecting people around you or you make wrong just it's totally normal. That is normal. You need to accept that about the process. It will get worse before it gets better and that's okay and and and that's totally what you've gone through is normal and and we can't go and label that and medicate that then i invalidate your experience by you being able to talk about your experience. This format of having a podcast where around the world now with people are being much more vulnerable and opening it's bringing this into the open, and it's enabling us to then be able to weaken that you've shifted the power balance and it does get worse. As you said, you want to die it's so bad, but then the shift starts happening because look where you are today, a shift happens at some point when it really gets double. You may even have tried to commit suicide, or you may even have got to the point where this is that i'm out of here or something traumatic, really traumatic, and then you suddenly there's that shift. There'S that awareness and then you can start rebuilding, and you know that is a time process and that's that shift is real. It'S what we you asked me about. What would you say to someone who's in that state? Where do you start? You start by giving yourself permission. You start by getting into the co-pilot pilot by letting that pilot fly like a maniac, and you know crash the plane. It'S a time capsule you can get that plane going again, but helping leaning on the power and the comfort of the co-pilot to say. I'M really scared of that. I don't want to land my plane, you land in a brawl and you land your plan and then you take out your spades and you start the process of getting to eventually digging this whole thing up and slowly as you're ready. That'S why i say 15 to 45 minutes a day. You don't do longer. You do a little bit at a time and you do as many cycles as you need, and eventually it gets to the point where you have reconceptualized. How do we i mean? How do we truly heal the trauma of the past uh? That causes a lot of our thoughts, because i hear like the i'm hearing, you say that i'm feeling the traumas, the memories of the past, that we had from the event and we're holding on to the memory. The idea, the thought of the event, and sometimes we we and a lot of the times i would go to say uh. You know i'll speak for myself and i'm thinking most of us probably an event happens and our memories after decades and years build it up into something bigger and more extreme, potentially yeah. The event actually was and we're holding on to now. Our mind is coming up with memories that weren't even real, that caused this reaction in us. So how do we really? Is it healing the trauma of the past? Is it healing the memory of the past? Is it healing all of it? What is the process? What should we do is? Is it only through therapy? Can we do it alone? No, you can't, you can do it alone, you can do it with therapy. You can do it. I would never do anything completely alone. I would make sure you have some sort of support system um. If you can get your therapy, it will definitely help, but therapy is a catalyst. It'S not actually and it's a place where you can unpack the pain and get the guidance for how to manage the next step, but you're still living with yourself. 24. 7.
Yeah you've got to do the work, and this is where having a system of mind management is so vital. So what you've described is the whole thought tree and that thought tree. Let'S take the incident of of what you went through as a child, and that would have been you know what the actual incident would have been is the roots and then the event and the details and the timing and the all the everything. And that then builds your perspective of how you viewed yourself and and how you viewed this whole, which this is your and your emotions and the data and that manifested in how you actually lived your life. So that's a trauma from the past. There'S no guilt in this, even though it's toxic, because that's all you could do to survive it's a coping mechanism. So this toxic tree is a coping mechanism. So we've got this inbuilt um thing in our mind and our brain that in a system that enables us - because this should wipe you out, you shouldn't even be alive kind of thing. If you look at the natural biology, but there's this protective system in place. That kind of cocoons it for a season until you're ready to deal with it. So that's you know the and then something will come and the event will come in your life. Where now you have to deal with it, and sometimes we ignore that we ignored it. A few times before we did an eventually so there's kind of a cocoon, so it's protective, so it is damaging, but because you're not ready to deal with it. It'S not wiping you out. It'S still causing problems. It'S still creating a few shock waves there in the ground and that kind of thing, but when you're ready to you know, then suddenly something will happen in your life and it's being put it's slowly, infiltrating it's the slow infiltration. So it's sending out little tendrils. You know it's growing that you're still surviving, but things are getting worse and worse and eventually that eventually this cocoon starts breaking down and it explodes in mentally physically in something in a relationship in a work environment in a it builds and cascades and little things happen And eventually it's a big explosion. That'S this thing the cocoon starting to come off as you are maturing and getting older and doing more with your life and experiencing more. This has to then get sorted out, so your body gets to a point where it has to reject it. It has to the past has to go for want of an awful analogy, but it's a good example at some point. You can't stay there anymore and that's when it explodes and when it explodes. These are all the memories, as you recall it, this is the concept of the abuse as a child. That'S the thought. This is the detail of the story and that's how you experienced it, and so you've got to go from your the both warning signals back to the data here, how you experience it back to the action and then you re-conceptualize. So how do you make it play out in your future? That'S always part of your story, but you change how like you've already done it. You said it earlier. You can talk about it now without falling apart, but at some point you could not talk about it. At all - and so you rewrite the script, you rewrite it and then - and that takes time that takes these cycles of 63 days. You literally re reconceptualization is rewriting the script. So eventually this goes. You then have this and that now, instead of being toxic is, can you see some of these leaves are shining a little brighter than the others? Okay. So there is that in that it's reconceptualized. I can now talk about it. I can now it's that'll, make you cry, but you've now turned it into a part of your you've redesigned it you've, it's the it's, the beautiful new space, that's how it was, but now you you've you've made it work for you, instead of against you. So that is then the trauma of the past, which is there's no excuse in that. There'S no forgiveness even in that, but you need to be released because if you still connected to that trauma kept there keeps keeps you connected in the quantum world literally to the to the abuser. So until we release so there's a connection, so you literally here's your brain. Here'S that person maybe 10 000 miles away, but because of entanglement in quantum physics, there's no space-time dimension and this because of that's a toxic entanglement. But when particles are entangled - and you may have heard of the subway or someone saying this between two particles are put in a relationship in quantum physics - experiments no matter how far apart they are shot, they still are in relationship. So this one turns this way. This one will turn this way so until you release until you reconceptualize you're still connected, so that will always be controlling you. So when we talk about people say forgiveness, i think release is a better word, because how do you give these these going through this process? Over time as you reconceptualize you're, slowly cutting the ties so as you, so by the time it's in this format no longer is that invisible tie there. You know that you've cut the tie when you can actually talk about it and you're not excusing that person's behavior. That can never actually what they've done can never be forgiven, if you think of it, but you can release it. So we talk about forgiveness as being part of a healing, but we've got to. I had this discussion with someone the other day. We'Ve got to be very careful of using the term forgiveness loosely because, when someone's done something wrong that wrongness, even whatever you've done wrong to someone that wrongness is always there. What is forgiven is what what's? What should we do? Is we should release? We should realize that that was a moment in time. It was wrong. The person needs to own it, but it's not your responsibility to make that person own it. They have to unpack that wrongness and kind of work through that. What you have to do is be released from it and to put that into your past and that's kind of the easiest thing to do, because a lot of people keep getting stuck because they think i can't forgive. I can't forgive. How can i forgive someone who's? How do you forgive someone who's raped you? How does your parents forgive someone who's hurt their child? You know how do you, how does the how how does when you've someone's murdered? You know that i'm not saying that you have to keep that and not you know you you have to get. You have to release yourself from that, and you have to accept that that event, maybe that person was operating out of trauma, so the reason for them doing that was trauma driven and it doesn't make it right. It makes it, but we can't ignore it, and what i think we've also tried to do with a lot of sort of psychological approaches, is oh forgive especially in the religious community forgiveness. It'S all gone, it's all gone away, it hasn't it's still there. It'S part of your story. I think the kinsugi principle explains it the best. You know the kinsugi principle, the japanese art. You know when a vase shatters to the ground and it's in a thousand pieces, they don't sweep the pieces away when you were raped as a child. Your life was shattered, okay, but you didn't sweep the pieces away every what they did was they collect every piece and they meticulously rebuilt the vase with gold, lacquer and platinum. So now you have this beautiful new vase with all the gold golden platinum represents. What you've gone through it's enriched to who you are as a person? Now you are helping others through your story. You are teaching others, you have you as a leader are one of the three percent only that are enabling others to talk about their trauma. Only three percent of leaders are talking about mental health, three percent globally, that's terrible wow! So if we as leaders, don't talk about it, how do we give permission to those that are following to talk about it? So, as a leader as you talk you've now taken the kansugi principle, you are showing us, your gold cracks, the shining light in the leaves, and it's that the trauma is shocking. We never forgive. That is wrong. We can never say that's right, it's never right, but what you've done with it is right, and now you can turn it into helping others go into greatness, yeah, that's kind of the transformation wow, i'm curious. How do we what's the process of protecting our mental health? On a daily basis, whether we've it sounds like first, we need to be aware of into the process of healing the past or the the traumatic memories of the past. However, you want to call it, but what's the process of protecting the present in the future so that we don't fall back into a dark space that that kind of keeps us there for so long absolutely is there a process you recommend there is and it's self-regulation. It'S being very, very self-regulated um, we see from neuroscience, and i actually have a little quote in the book where i think i've got it. I think i actually had it open, because i was really i did it um. I actually did a little a live on. It today, but you can every it would. I can tell you what it is every 10 seconds here. It is um every i thought i had the page open every 10 seconds. You can be consciously aware of what you're thinking, feeling and choosing mental peace and keeping yourself in a state of mental peace comes from being aware, every 10 seconds now i'm not asking you to set your watch and your time on your phone. I'M just saying that translate that out: it means all the time that, as when you're awake, you need to be standing back and observing your own thinking. You need to be thinking, okay. What am i thinking in this moment? How am i reacting this moment? I wake up, i feel great, and then i read an email i feel lousy. Oh, i wake up feeling on edge. Why i'm talking to this person? How am i reacting? How am i responding i'm doing this email, i'm doing this work. What'S my it's constantly monitoring and that may sound exhausting, but it's not it's the most natural thing in the world. It'S one of the most brain, healthy things you can do so that's the one key is self-regulation it as your neurocycle, as you get into the habit of neurocycling. Your self-regulation skills are trained to a level where it changes your life. I honestly, if i had to sell what would say say what protects my mental health. It'S my increased self-regulation from constantly living a life of neurocycling, then the other thing in the neuro cycling that is phenomenal for protecting mental health, which no one speaks about. I don't know anyone except me, speak about this and it's called brain building and there's a whole section in the book on brain building and that's taking the five steps of the neuro cycle to learn new information as humans. What does that mean a new skill or a new new everyday new data? So for me i will take um my scientific research. Every day i spend at least an hour looking at neuroscientific or scientific studies related to my field of work, um studying new information. The latest, so i study it to the point where i could actually give a lecture on it or i could write an exam on it. So i take the five steps and i study information every day when you wake up, you have millions of new baby nerve cells and they nerve cells, look like trees and they are waiting for you to be to um to like lattices, to strengthen the new cells. The new thoughts that you build into the the neurons of your brain, these little branches, these thoughts, and if you don't use them, they become toxic wastes. So that affects your sleep at the end of the day and affects your dreams and cumulatively, over time they affect your health of your brain. So when you, when you brain, build it's like cleaning your teeth, if you don't clean your teeth every day, eventually, you're gon na have a real problem with your teeth and your brain, because it's gon na cause all kinds of issues in your body and so on Same thing with brain building, brain building builds mental and physical resilience, so by learning something, we actually think deeply that when you neurocycle to brain build what i'm doing is getting you to think super deeply and when you think deeply you make all these great things happen. In the brain, the left right, side, oxygen and all that stuff and you and that's the only way you can actually grab those new those new baby dendrites. They respond to deep thinking. They don't respond to shallow thinking. They don't respond to scanning through headlines and hurry. Sickness and rush rush rush and data capturing and never doing anything they respond to. Oh, that's i scan the headlines and that interests me. Let me read that article and study it, and so i'm going to write an exam. Well, i'm reading this great book or take my book and study it. You know study that every day for an hour, you'll get you'll not only get the tools but you'll be building your brain, whatever take anything you're interested in. If you love cooking, if you love whatever, you are interested in self-help books, anything don't just read. Study them use the five steps take an hour a day. If you can do more, do more and you will transform your mental health, all my patients when they came into my practice, i would obviously evaluate, and do all that kind of thing would work out sort of where the issues were, but we would always do brain Building first, sometimes for a few sessions, i would only do brain building and get them to a state where i could recognize they're starting to get more resilient and self-regulated. Then we would start doing the trauma, work and the learning disability work and the work with trauma. You know working with traumatic brain injury. We would and in fact all the traumatic brain, injury and stroke work that i would do with my patients like if i was working with someone like what your dad went through, i would teach the the patient and the family brain building we would take. What are you interested in and like if your dad was interested, let's say whatever? Let'S say he was interested in, i don't know what was your dad interested in he's into uh playing piano, singing sports running yeah? Okay, so you could take maybe sports and you could then use the brain building. You can do this with him now you can take the brain building and take about sports. You don't just read it, but you actually study it. You do the five steps and you study it as though you are now going to give a lecture that you're going to now teach this. That'S what i would do with with my patients and then we would slowly restore function because that changes them. It orders. The gravitational fields orders the brain changes and directs the neuroplasticity and healing comes, and you start transforming. I had ceos of of top companies in south africa have terrible car accidents and completely lose their functionality, not be able to function. Do this brain building in the whole? For over a period of time and go back and become something else, so like the one guy was an engineer but went into management and became a ceo of a huge corporation. Had this terrible car accident ended up going back and becoming a top engineer with brain damage, so i mean, like i've, had pilots that at 82 that couldn't fly anymore that have become accountants. I mean i can tell you story of the story when i'm in the most distressed state, like that night of acute trauma that i told you about besides the glucose monitoring, besides doing the neurocycling, what did i do? I did brain building. I set the brain building to calm myself down in that state, so that i would shift between the the management neuro cycle to the brain building near a cycle to try to learn and understand something yeah and that, but that brought resilience. So it calmed me down if i'm worked up i'll, go to brain building, i'm really out of it and i'm not managing and i'm feeling like i'm getting super anxious or depressed or something i will even go into 10 minutes of brain building i'll grab. A study study it do the brain building and immediately increase my resilience. Does brain building only happen when you're, studying and learning something or is it more of like? Okay, i'm going to play like ping-pong or play a sport or do an activity to help like hand-eye coordination. Yes, no definitely you can do that too. So ping-pong is fantastic for the brain. You know anything that really challenges the brain to coordinate is definitely going to be a brain building exercise. So you know racquetball tennis, uh ping pong. You know things that are skeletons whatever yeah yeah. You can do those too, so do those those are more physical, related. So i would balance i would balance the physical with the mental so that you do the cognitive as well. I mean both are mental. I shouldn't say that sort of um, um text and physical make sure that your brain build with a combination. You know i feel like a lot of parents in general: don't have the tools to have conversations with their kids around mental health um. You know, i don't remember much of my parents, although they're amazing, i don't remember us talking about mental health and um these. These challenges that might arise these emotions and these feelings that might arise for us at different times in ways of how to manage it properly. As as like the tools that are now being discovered in research, like you have today, what conversations should parents be having with their kids around mental health in order to make them feel safe, seen and loved, with the confusion that they have, maybe as teenagers or young Young adults in today's world. I love your question and it's so important. We should be doing this from babies so when a child comes home from school and they're, maybe three or four years old and they sad they don't have the language but to be able to actually notice and validate. I see you feeling sad. Why are you sad and what you give them toys to be able to act out the older they get, never overlook a child's emotion, always validate. I see you sad. Do you want to talk about it? I see you so it's it's. I see you, you notice, i'm saying i see you and you can find your own wording of that, but it's to acknowledge which validates and never to judge or say. Oh, you don't need to feel like that. What parents do a lot unintentionally, i'm a parent of four. I did it even with all my knowledge i have so we make mental messages. I see we make mental messes all the time, but it's very important, not someone your child comes to you and says i i'm really worried and and then you say what are you worried about - i'm worried about this one doing something that you think is totally irrelevant. Oh, that's not so bad! You don't have to worry about that. That is the worst thing you can do to your child, because what you've done is invalidate something that for them is now they feel shame. So now they've got um this confusion of worry. They don't know how to process it, and you know what parents do that you know you haven't accepted their feelings or their thoughts. That'S it. So it's very important, even if you don't think that that it's valid you're not helping them saying - and i know it's done often within teaching. Oh, it's not so bad it'll be okay, calm down! Don'T do that! It'S it's rather sit down and embrace it's okay. Let'S talk about how you're feeling, why do you think you go through the five steps i've actually got in my neuro cycle app, i've got a whole thing on how to use neuro cycling for children and i'm writing i've written books in the past. But now we're doing the updated versions of neuro cycling for baby tarts and recycling for young kids, teenagers, whatever so exactly how to have the conversations. But it's openness, one of the things that i have as a parent um - and i mean i've worked with. I used to do a lot of family therapy when i practice and as a the advice i always gave parents, and that i've tried to apply as much as possible is keep your environment open. Keep it no matter what your kids, your kids, want to talk to. You about sex and and things that you don't want to talk about. If you don't want to talk about them, they're going to talk about them somewhere else, and that goes for emotions too. We'Ve got to allow our kids to say. I am feeling depressed the other day. Someone said: how do i help my child, not be a professor of depression and it was quite an interesting way of phrasing. It and my response to that was well help them process it. If they're a professor of depression, what can you learn from them if they, if you feel that they are so good at depression, these that's a symptom or a signal of something going on? You need to acknowledge that and say i see you feeling depressed. Can you explain more and then work through the whole get those you know the five steps work through it systematically? You can use a lot of visuals with kids. I mean i've been doing this with kids when i was practicing and training in schools and things as young as three and i would take the brain. Listen three-year-olds, respond to this say well and i'll say this is in your brain. It'Ll take a tree. Okay! So now this is this happy tree, the sad tree and you work through okay. What are you feeling? What'S the? What'S the sad give me and you give them the words and then let's see what are you doing, what you work through systematically through the process, and you say okay, so this is where it's cut and it might take a few days same. So it's the same process but you're orientating them to their level and then what you're doing is you're modeling. What to do at the same time. Don'T hide your feelings as a parent. You know there's so much. Don'T act perfect! No because it's in the mess that they see european grow mess is how they learn. So you make a mess. You get mad at your child for no reason, and then you feel guilt and condemnation. That'S don't do that if you get mad, explain why you're mad say i'm really mad. I'M sorry. I said the wrong thing i was. I didn't mean to do that. This is why i did it, but the thing that you mustn't let a child grow up. Oh you're, the mother you chose to have me. Therefore, you've got to be perfect and if you fell, you've messed up my life forever, that's not healthy for a child and that's what happens and it's bad for the parent and the child and or the parents pretending. Oh no everything's, fine and you know meanwhile behind close towards you and your husband are having a huge fight or you and your wife are having that's so confusing. When my husband and i have an argument, we, the kids, grew up, knowing why we explained okay, we were wrong. We shouldn't have said this. This is why we argued - and this is our solution - you know, and it's that authenticity and that honesty and you know what they may not like it - always because it can be quite scary, but life is scary and you've got to give you've got to give people. Your kids, the tools to know that hey this is how i'm managing it and i'm an adult, and i still battle so when they're an adult and they're backing, they don't think. Oh gosh, i'm an adult i'm supposed to be like my mother, who was perfect. No, my mother still cries. My dad still gets upset, but they've got a management plan. So it's that authenticity and honesty does that answer the question. Absolutely uh. I'Ve got a couple final questions for you. This has been fascinating, um really inspired by all this, and i can't wait to dive in more in the book cleaning up your mental mess. Five simple, scientifically proven steps to reduce anxiety, stress and toxic thinking, so make sure you guys get the book if you haven't got it yet. This is going to be really powerful and helpful for you for a family member for a friend so make sure to check this out really inspired by this um you've been doing this work for what three decades now nearly fought 38 years now so almost four decades. You'Ve been doing this work and research and as a practitioner as well applying this in the real world. What is the biggest challenge you still face today? Even knowing all of these practices and awareness around the brain, the ma the mind, thoughts, thinking memory, all this stuff. What'S the challenge you still face as a human being with four decades of experience, the the the challenge that personally it's i wish. I could manage it 24 7 and that's my goal because i know it works and when it does - and i get totally frustrated when i think why didn't i just use the neuro cycle, it's got to the point in our family, where, if i would like, i Actually went to my husband yesterday, i was really like worked up about something he said. Well, why aren't you neuro cycling? I'M just like. Don'T say that to me. I don't feel like neurocycling i want to. I just want to have a moan. You know that kind of thing, but yeah essentially it's true because i had to. I actually got myself back under control, so my greatest the greatest hard, the probably the hardest thing to do is to to watch um people in pain when i know that they can that there's a way out - and i wish i could fix things and that's probably What you can't do i mean not? Probably you can't do that. It'S made me. My weakness is i, when i want to fix everything and everyone, and if i can't, i think what have i done wrong. So i have to keep reminding myself all the time that i can't i can only you cannot fix anyone else, but you can only support them. So that's a very big challenge for me because i can see hey just do this even to myself do that you'll be fine afterwards, you'll you'll get through this. You know, as that saying goes. This too shall pass when you know how to manage it. So that's yeah, that's for me, a big challenge and in terms of globally uh the narrative of mental health. We just have to stop telling people that they are brain damaged when they are just being normal humans. That'S a huge challenge. This is awesome. I'M really glad we had this conversation um. Thank you so much. This question i ask everyone towards the end is called the three truths question. So i'd like you to imagine it's your last day on earth, many years away from now, and you get to accomplish all your goals and dreams they all they all come true, but eventually you got ta. You got ta go to the next place. You got ta, leave this earth uh and you got ta. Take all of your work with you all of your research. All of your books, your you know this interview. It'S got. Ta go with you to the next place, but you're looking to, but you get to leave behind three lessons that you would share with the world. This is all we would have to remember you by. Are these three lessons or what i like to call three truths? What would you say you would share that? The mind is something you can control the mind is real. The mind is the source of everything, and that is something that you can learn and develop and that i would leave the system behind i'd, say: listen, learn, learn to manage your mind, use the neuro cycle, develop it further whatever, but that's what i would um and This the fact that your mind is real, that your mind is always with you. If you don't get your mind under control, everything else is just wonder: dressing yeah. We have to really so that would be sort of the main thing and then the how to i would definitely leave behind do this and develop it grow through them, make it even better than what i've done, but this is what i can offer humanity is. This has hard managed mind and then the then the philosophy, the third thing i'd leave behind is three words. Three three lessons that um psychologist, william james, has quoted often as saying and that's three things in life. What'S so important, be kind, be kind, be kind to yourself to others and those three things i think we'd be pretty well equipped to have a decent, peaceful, realistic existence. Absolutely those are beautiful truths. Carolina appreciate that i want to acknowledge caroline for a moment, because this has been very uh ah inspiring and eye-opening. And i acknowledge you for the nearly four decades of constant curiosity, constant research and dedication to understanding the mind and the complicated nuances of the minds. Of the mind body, connection of the mind, brain connection of quantum physics and all the things surrounding the energetic field of the mind uh, it's something i've been fascinated with my entire life uh as a young child, uh growing up learning about it, but it's something that I'Ve been more curious about, but for you to make this your life's mission and study it and then make it simple: try to simplify the complex in a way so human beings can understand their minds. I really acknowledge you for doing the work showing up consistently and providing and having the passion you have to to share this information. I think it's really inspiring, so i acknowledge you for for all of it. Thank you. That'S so great. I want to remind everyone again: get the book cleaning up your mental mess, make sure you check it out right now, uh, you are on social media. You do a lot on instagram. I see uh twitter, instagram facebook, dr caroline, leaf on pretty much everywhere and also your website. It'S just doctorcarolineleaf.com thisdoctorleaf.comleaf.com. It'S got all your information, your books, all the different stuff over there so make sure people check out dr leaf.com um. It'S the final question. Yeah go ahead, i have, i have a podcast as well called cleaning up your mental mess, so that's another place check out the podcast and then and you i want to interview you as soon as possible on there as well. I'D love to have your story, be fantastic for sure, would love to yeah, i'm always down to to do the work. If anyone wants to analyze me and do sessions with me, i'm in so we have such a wonderful story. I appreciate it. Thank you. My final question is: what's your definition of greatness you, i think you know my answer to that. My definition of greatness is when you start getting to grips with understanding how you think feel and choose. Then you start, you start seeing greatness because there's something you can do that no one else can do and when you recognize that there's something that you can do that no one else can do which cut, which is your mind. It'S what you're doing it's your perception, then there's no envy or jealousy there's no desire to be like someone else. Competition goes because you can't be competed with, because no one can do what you can do, so everyone is in that same boat. So suddenly, now, if you move from competition to enhancement - and that is key so when we enhance each other, that's when we really grows humanity wow, dr caroline leaf, i'm very inspired and impressed. Thank you so much for being here for sharing your wisdom and i can't wait to do it in the future. Again, i can't wait as well. Thank you so much. It'S been amazing. Thanks for your incredible questions, i love the the depth of the conversation that we've had and thank you if you're looking for more greatness in your life, make sure to check out this video right here and also check out our free pdf, the three secrets to unlock The power of your mind to help you change your life, download it right here. These neurochemicals are all internal and while some of them are designed to be released in response to things very reflexively like food sex, sleep