Translator: Mona Shams EL-Dien Reviewer: Hussain Laghabi Depression. Everyone, from time to time, gets frustrated. Psychologists, like me, sometimes refer to depression as the common cold of mental illness because it's so common. You know and I know that the common cold can make you very miserable. The common cold can also develop into sinusitis, pneumonia, so pay attention when you feel signs of depression: frustration, lethargy, self-criticism, irritability at others. It's important to note, "Oh," - just as if I had a fever - "There's something wrong here. I'm just not in my usual shape." Once you've noticed that, what are your options? Well, unfortunately, people often assume, "Oh, depression is a chemical disorder." Where do you go if you have a biological disorder? You go to your doctor.
What are doctors good at doing? They know how to write recipes for tablets. Now, why do I bemoan the fact that one in ten Americans takes an antidepressant? Even worse, for women in their middle ages, forties and fifties, one in four Americans take an antidepressant. These drugs are not sugar pills. It may have harmful effects on your body. It can also make you addicted to drugs. Opium makes you addicted. Pharmaceutical companies claim that antidepressants do not make you addicted, which is due to the definition of addiction, which is "involving desire." Nobody gets up and says, "Oh, I can't wait to take my antidepressant." They don't give you much; They basically drug you. Now, antidepressants are already helping some people. The difficulty is, in the first place, that there are many people whom you do not help.
It only helps, perhaps at best, 60% of the people who use it. Second, serious side effects may arise. Google "antidepressant side effects" if you want to scare yourself a bit before you take it. The good news? There are many methods of psychotherapy, and psychotherapeutic talk sessions, to get rid of a bad mood. There are plenty of recipes or techniques, no pills to feel better. So today, the special recipes I want to share with you come from my own theory of what makes people feel good and what makes them upset.
Whenever I write books about it, I call it "conflict resolution theory." To remember it more easily, let's call it the "obstacle cure." Here's why. You are on the path of life - perhaps you are rushing along this path of life - and you hit an obstacle. So at this hurdle, which is a worrying situation, you rub your head and figure out what to do about it. If you're lucky, you 'll get what you want and move on, hanging around the rest of your life.
But often, when we run into an annoying situation, we weaken. We give up what we want. Sometimes this is a good idea because there don't seem to be any other options or if the other option is to get into a fight - mmm, it might not be worth it. Giving up in response to something you want provokes depression. Well, this is a model, this obstacle model, that tells us what we need to do to feel better. Here's the obstacle. We got into depression. Retreat. He identified this obstacle and solved the problem in a new way. It seems easy, but it's not that easy. Here's why. When you're depressed, you often don't know what the obstacle was. There is something about this dark cloud that surrounds you when you are feeling depressed that seems to prevent you from knowing what you have given up, and what barrier you cannot overcome. So prescription number one would be a way to identify that problem. Here's another problem with depression: When you're depressed, you feel helpless.
When we feel small and powerless, it is very difficult to come up with ideas of what we can do to solve the problem. Prescription number two - blow up. I'll show you how in a moment. Prescription Number Three - Now that you know what the problem is - the hurdle - and you feel strong enough, now the problem is solved. Here is the example. Let's welcome Julie Julie is a new client in my business - the name has changed, of course, for confidentiality. "Julie, what brings you here today?" Jolie said, "Well, for the past four or five months, I 've been really frustrated. I don't have energy, I'm very disappointed, I beat myself up all the time, and unfortunately, I'm irritable at my husband, and irritable with my kids." “Hmm, looks like depression.
Let's get to work. Julie.” Julie sits down, “close your eyes” By the way, I don't recommend using this method while driving. "Julie, close your eyes. And allow the image to appear on your video screen in your mind, your visual screen, allow the image to come up with someone or something that you might be - someone or something that you might be upset with, resentful of, resentment." Little or no anger." And not yourself, because when you're depressed, almost all of those people get mad at themselves for this and that.
Notice what's on your visual screen." Julie thought a little, and said, "Hmm, I thought I'd see my husband if I'd been barking at him, but what actually showed up was the conference room at work." "Hmm, what's bothering you there?" Well I work for a big construction company. In fact I like the company very much, but when there is a meeting with me and the other five project managers, I get annoyed every time. I say something; Like I'm kind of an idiot, but... and they frown at what I'm saying. They bring out what's wrong. I just hate it. "Hmm, what do you want in this situation?" I want to be listened to; I want to be taken seriously." Ah, the odds are OK. We figured out what Julie's hurdle was, however, there's another important question to ask to check if this particular hurdle is causing the depression. "Julie, looking back at that conference room , who looks bigger? You or the other five project managers?" "Well, that's clear," said Julie.
" I look like a little girl, and they look like big, strong footballers." Now, "Actually," said Julie, "they're just regular guys. They're not really that big, but when I think of them now, I think of them as really big." Now we are well aware that we have identified the depressive factors, the depressive moment. Depression is a disorder of power, so once you feel small and other people, something , event, or whatever seem big, that's the hurdle that knocks you down. We've done prescription number one. We have identified the problem. Prescription number two - "Julie, take a deep breath. With each successive breath, feel yourself getting bigger, stronger, taller, more powerful. How big are you now, Julie?" "I'm about the size of a man," said Julie.
I said, "Good." "You're going in the right direction. Take more deep breaths. Bigger, taller, taller, stronger." Julie smiled. "My head is about to hit the ceiling." Ah, we've done recipe number two: blow up. Prescription number three - problem solving. Now, when we try to solve any problem, we usually start by gathering information about the relevant variables. Then, you can think of creative solutions for what to do about it. So I asked Julie, "From this tallest position, looking down at the other men, what can you see that you didn't see when you felt young?" Julie thought for a moment.
"Oh my God," said Julie, "I think men terrify me." You know, I just completed my master's degree in construction management, so when I go to those meetings, I try to contribute ideas from what I've learned and maybe brag a little bit too. But when I bring up new ideas, new ways of dealing with problems that have arisen, they may feel a little insecure, a little threatening.” “What else do you notice?” “I notice - I'm kind of listening to what I'm saying - my voice sounds like a little girl, the way I've been I feel it. Even worse, I end each sentence with a question mark, as if I am waiting for their approval.” “Ah, with that extra information, Julie, what ideas came to your mind about what you could do? What can you do to make these meetings more satisfying, so that you can get what you want, which is to be heard? Julie thought and said, "Well, my first reaction is to just leave the company and go somewhere that respects me more, go to a company that's geared toward a new idea." “Hmm, what do you see when you envision that solution?” “Well, I see that with these skills, I can get a job somewhere else.
But I actually like that company. It's also very close to my home. I have kids at home. I don't want to spend an hour of the day in the car. So that's no Seems like a satisfactory solution." "Okay, one of the aesthetics of visualization is that it enables you to experiment with solutions. So, Julie, let's try another solution. What else comes to your mind?" “Hmm,” Jolie said, “ if I do this routine of blowing up before I go to the meeting, I can just aim to speak louder, speak in a more formal tone, speak with confidence, like, I know what I’m talking about, and I’m trying to be useful to you here.” ." "Imagine what happens then." Julie was stunned.
"That guy over there, no matter what I do, he won't listen to me. But from this great position, I can see that this is about him. He doesn't listen to anyone. I don't have to take this personally. The others, though." They're attentive. They seem to listen. Also, I think I could be a little more humble and patient and say what I'm saying with explanations so they don't feel threatened that what I'm saying is something they don't know." "Hmm, how do you feel, Julie, looking at that scene?" "Huh!" said Julie.